My Ominous Death
by KuroCrow-chan
Summary: (SPOILERS AHEAD AND IN THE SUMMARY TO CODE GEASS SERIES) A short oneshot on Lelouch's thoughts about becoming an evil dictator. T rating for including Lelouch's death and dark thoughts.


_**Hey, if you didn't read the discretion for some odd reason... SPOILERS TO THE CODE GEASS SERIES. Alright, now that thats done with, sorry for not uploading any chapters on other stories in a while. No, I haven't run out of ideas, and writers block! Geez, stop saying that! Oh, its just me, you say? Oh, you never said that, you say? Well fine. I just want to appease your worries? Oh, you don't care you say? Well, I ain't writing for you... okay maybe a little.**_

 _ **Anyways, hope you enjoy!**_

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My death... is waiting ominously on the other side of the door. I can feel its presence shaking at me, slowly killing me without harming me.

This feeling is almost foreign to me. Fear? What a silly thing. It's so hard to decipher, yet so easy to find. And so satisfying. It gives this feeling that I'm still human, and that I can't do everything. Hah, I feel like such a masochist. But, at the same time, fear is a horrible, crushing thing. It is always putting you on the edge of insanity, and has pushed many people to close to the edge of a cliff. But not me.

Yet.

I always find myself wanting to beg for forgiveness, and I want to be forgiven. I want to go to high school again, I want to come home to Nunalee. I want to tell her how much I'm sorry, how much I love her, how much I wish to become brother and sister again. But there's no going back now. I'm trapped. But it's not like I didn't want it this way, I've been preparing and preparing for the day that I die, and give peace. I didn't factor in, though, how much it would hurt to be a dictator. And it hurts a lot to feel so misunderstood, so feared.

But being feared, I should have so much power. That's wrong. Every time I see some old friend, I want to call out to them! I want to tell them how much they mean to me! And how much I never really meant it! I'm sorry! I only ever wanted... peace.

I wish there was a way I could fit into a happy world with everyone else. But now I can't. I have a duty to make this world safer. And I am the one that has given myself this duty, so I can never let it go, I can never give up on trying to repair this unrepairable world.

But at the same time, I don't want to. I always think about how ugly this world is, and how I wish it would just collapse in on itself. But then I remember... that even if the world is ugly, the things inside it, the things it makes, are much, much more beautiful. This is the only thing that's keeping me from begging for forgiveness, this one little fact: I want peace. Some people naturally want to look away from something so disgusting, others want to kill it, and others want to cure it. I guess I'm the latter, then.

Which is why I want to put on this mask of complete and utterly comprised insanity, why I will kill myself in order to create something beautiful, even if it's just for a few decades. So, as I wait for Suzaku, while he polishes that sword, I will stand here and make the world even more ugly, even more disgusting.

Because something so ugly, will turn into something so blindingly radiant.

And there he was.

Suzaku stood there, and the radiance took over him in his shining moment. The moment everyone would live, and I would die. This is something I will never experience again, and now I realize that.

I watched the blur as my guards attacked Suza- no Zero. It's time I take my role as the feared and fearful dictator.

I stood up, and waited until Zero was finally in front of me, but the rest was numb. My ears buzzed, the pain grew as much as it could, and I said the quiet speech only the two of us could hear, as he, my only friend, ran a sword through my chest. It was pulled out, and I could hear and feel myself fall down while twisting and turning my way pathetically to Nunalee. Before I die, I want to give Nunalee these thoughts, these memories, I want to explain to her everything that I've done for this moment, and moments that will follow.

I reached out to caress her face, and I gave her my everything. But it blurred itself out, as I felt her cold tears run down my face. Yes, finally, you will understand everything. I'm glad, but I thank you for granting me this one last request.

And so, I heard the door open, and that ominous feeling, has taken over my body and mind.

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 _ **Oh, almost forgot...**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I do NOT own Code Geass or any of the characters in this story, and that photo is a screenshot from a gif.**_

 _ **Wow, don't I normally have an OC? Oh well. Thanks again for reading!**_


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